I can’t for the life of me make cook-and-serve pudding and that the word ‘moist’ and pink/red color combos (exception v-day and kids apparel) repulse me. It’s these type of oddities that concern me while I am going to be stuck in bed recovering…not my own neurotic ones (unless my hospital gown is pink/red), but those of my kids. The ones that you adapt to as a mother without even realizing that you are doing it…the rituals and routines that you make up to suit your kids that seem normal to you, but odd to others…being out those six weeks for recovery, that is what will be the hardest. You can’t just tell someone their oddities, you just know them (if that makes sense) and it’s missing the new ones that form, that I will miss so much.
Like Lauren the other day, drilled into me for never taking her parachuting (oh all the ways I have failed her)… and I know that it’s not something that I can explain that many four yr olds have not gone parachuting, “no mommy hasn’t pushed you out of a plane with only nylon pop tent on your back (yet)…”, it’s something that I just say, “maybe we can do that next week” and pray that next week she forgets about it, and if she doesn’t, I tell her that they are all closed for the season, or that all the toys in the department store are for kids 6 years and older today and today only and so instead she makes a list for me, or that Lauren stalks the neighbor kids and is getting hesitant to ride Petunia because she had an “almost” fall into the grass…that Gav likes to eat chalk and spits out almost all real solid foods, but is particularly fond of green things and flavored breads and most recently is diggin’ raspberries and strawberries. That he only likes to wear his dog shoes, but he hates socks…there are just a million little things that they do that you only know…it’s funny how quirks are some of the greatest things about people…it’s their peculiarities that make them interesting.
Gavin is going to have a surgery done on the 18th and with it being so close to transplant it’s just another obstacle from our ultimate goal (scary)…then today we went in and his liver enzymes are elevated (terrifying). We don’t know the cause and this is VERY concerning. We meet with another “ologist” on Tuesday and they are going to recheck his levels on Monday to see if there are any changes. Pray that these enzymes go away. He’s been throwing up so much now at night, in the middle of the night last night Lauren said that even she is starting to get concerned about him and feel bad for him. All these things need to be remedied in order to make his transplant date of September 27th fall into place. I don’t think I can handle anything standing in the way of transplant. I won’t be happy, I won’t feel like this is really happening until I am laying on the operating table, there are always just too many variables. I have come to terms that this is the path that he must take in his life, now I just want to execute the plan and get him healthy. I am no longer scared or hesitant, but ready to see him feeling strong for the first time in his life!
Its been a rough, sad week, we try to practice mental toughness in this house, but this week the sky came falling down. We lost our very dear sweet baby Rory this week. He is our infant neighbor and will be forever in our hearts and thoughts and his remaining family hugged firmly in our arms. If you look closely, you can see his halo glowing out there in the distance as God rocks him to sleep…we love you and we miss you! May your prayers be heard and may you cherish all that you have!